Stuck in Survival Mode

survival_mode Written by Ramona Brown of Orem, Utah, mom of 6, graphic and web designer. Survival mode in a video game is when the player must continue playing for as long as possible in an uninterrupted session while the game presents them with increasingly difficult waves of challenges. I’m not saying my life is a video game, exactly, but it sure feels like it sometimes. Let me paint a picture in order for your to understand. Twelve years ago, life was good. My husband was in his final year of law school. We had three young kids and we were saving up to buy our first home. Life wasn’t easy, but it was good. We had friends, we were active in our church, enjoyed holiday traditions and predictable routines. We had hopes of an amazing future ahead of us. This was our family’s state of balance, while it wasn’t perfect, it was comfortable and solid. Within that next year, I was expecting our fourth child, due just one month after my husband sat for the Nevada Bar. He had a job lined up and I was continuing my online classes, as well as writing a novel in my spare time. We were excited and hopeful about our future. But life had different plans for us. Our fourth child was born with a series of health issues, as well as little things, like not making eye contact or cooing. My older kids were struggling in school with being bullied on a daily basis, and we made the decision to homeschool. My husband was finding that being an attorney was far more stress than he’d ever dreamed. This was not the life we imagined. Within a few years and after a move to Utah to find better services for our son, we received the diagnosis of xxyy syndrome for him. He had a white brain matter abnormality, speech apraxia, couldn’t regulate his blood sugars, and still struggled with even the tiniest cold, landing him in the hospital. I lived in survival mode.  We went from one crisis to the next,hoping for the least amount of collateral damage. My husband pieced together his work with clients, one case at a time, to pay the bills, including medical cost since we didn’t qualify for health insurance. Living in this survival mode was very stressful, I was always anxious for that other shoe to drop. This became a breeding ground for unhealthy practices. I gained over 100 pounds during this crazy 12 year journey. I was diagnosed with two autoimmune disorders and I battle anxiety and depression on a regular basis. I don’t want a pity party, but rather I want to show how each one of us has our own story of imbalance and survival. Things have slowly improved in our family. We are getting better at dealing with our son’s special challenges, my husband found that teaching high school is really his passion and things are beginning to settle into a new state of normal. However, I have a lot of emotional baggage to work through. I need tools to process bad habits, lingering guilt and feelings of inadequacy. I don’t want to be “stuck” in survival mode anymore, but rather find our new sense of balance. It really is amazing, that as human beings, we have the power to change our circumstances, our outlook, our future, but it isn’t easy and it doesn’t happen overnight. I am looking forward to exploring this future and creating this new state of balance using natural means, through the use of essential oils and positive thinking and more. Stacy has been a big help to me, in helping me realize that I can step outside of this whirlwind I’ve been living in and create the life I want for me and my family. I still have a lot to learn, but look forward to what this new future holds! Join me, as I join Stacy for an amazing webinar she is putting together, devoted to Emotional Health! It will be Thursday, October 8th at 10 am pacific time. To register, simply click HERE!

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